Becoming Comfortable with Empty Nesting

A good first step to take is reading this Beginner’s Guide to Empty Nesting for new ideas.

• Well ladies, we have spent the majority of our adult lives raising our children and now we have to transition from being called “mom” to reclaiming our given names. No more, “Hi, Mike’s mom” but now it is, “Hi, Lisa”. This is a huge transition that some of us are very excited about while others are dreading this time in our lives and or maybe it is a mixture of both of these emotions. Since this is a personal experience for me, I would like to help you find your way through this new territory.
• I have 3 children, Brianne, Brooke and Michael. When Brianne was in 9th grade, I was sitting at lunch with some other moms whose children were graduating that year. I remember feeling my stomach sink as they discussed college options. I could not fathom the idea of my precious daughter leaving my side, going to a place where she was far away and on her own. It’s funny how God works though, after living through 4 years of my oldest in high school, pushing my little birdies out of the nest sounded very appealing to me!

What is Empty Nesting and Why is a Guide to Empty Nesting Helpful?

• Empty nesting is the season of your life when the children that have consumed all of your spare oxygen are now moving out of your home and into a “place” of their own. A place where they will have to (for the most part) breathe their own air. This leaves us with an overabundance of O2 and no idea what to do with it. Who said breathing comes naturally?
• For almost 2 decades or more, we have been defined by our children. A job which is the most rewarding in the world. However, now we must move on. This was the goal from the beginning; to raise our children to become successful, independent, moral and happy adults. We have completed our mission and it is possible now to reinvent ourselves and live happily ever after.
• When our babies were born, they did not come with a handbook but we learned a lot from those who had raised kids before us. As a seasoned empty nester, I hope to provide you with a handbook based on not only my experience but experiences of others.

How to Get Started to Adjusting to Becoming an Empty Nester

• First off – we have no choice but to accept our children moving on. This may come easily or it may be like a grieving process. Whatever point you are at, the best thing you can do is to just go with the flow.  If you want to cry, then let it out. If you feel like jumping for joy, then do that. I can assure you that this stage will pass; it may take a week or a month but you will move past this.
• Once acceptance has set in, it is time to enjoy some of the little things that you had forgotten about. When my youngest moved out (for good), my happiness came from walking around my house in my underwear! Joking aside, once I walked in the door after work, off came my pants! The freedom I felt was elating! Not to mention the happiness this evoked in my husband – I will save that for another post!

Tips for Success from the Beginner’s Guide to Empty Nesting

Information about how to deal with an empty home was not readily accessible when my kids moved out. Oh, how I wish I would have had a guide to empty nesting back then. Hopefully, sharing the information that I learned will provide you with a smoother transition than the one I had.

• I would suggest that you spend some time thinking about what you would like to do with extra time. If you are a visual person, then make a list and prioritize it. You can even create a new calendar, one that does not have play dates and hockey practice listed, instead, it is a calendar of FUN things to do for yourself.
• Another important aspect to consider is your communication skills with your spouse/partner. Have you realized that the two of you talked a lot but that it was always about your children? Now is the time to shift subjects. You most likely will begin talking about the weather. It is almost as if you are on a first date again. Slowly, this will evolve and you will find that you had forgotten how good the two of you were together. You will start to feel butterflies again! This is one of the best parts of your children getting older – you begin to feel young again!
• Start your day with quiet reflection and thankfulness of the life you have created. This helps to focus for the day and also gives you a sense of accomplishment. Even though you have been grateful every single year, a quiet start was not possible when you were raising kids unless you locked yourself in the basement!
• When you are home alone, you can do anything you want! Watch a movie you have been wanting to see, listen to your music and dance or if you are like me, read a good book!
• Take a hot bath or shower and just relax! Through the years, my husband and I would sneak off to take baths together so we had time alone. However, the kids would always be pounding on the door. Now we can leave the door open and have uninterrupted conversations – priceless!
• Make a romantic dinner for your significant other. Yes, it is possible to rekindle that special feeling. It is not gone, just lost and it will come back better than ever!
• Go for a walk; join a gym; bring gym equipment in to your home; take a class. Take time to exercise. This is my biggest challenge, especially since I can choose to do anything – exercise is not always on the top of my list. Some days, cleaning the toilet sounds like a much better idea!
• Eat healthy meals. You can prepare these yourself or eat out. You are free to decide and either way it will cost you much less than it used to. If you want to explore new recipes, visit my Pinterest Cooking for 2 board.

• Do laundry whenever you feel like it – no more every day loads! OR… don’t do laundry and just buy new undies.
• Take a class to expand an interest that you never had time for before; art, yoga, cooking… Check out your local school district adult education programs or the YMCA for fun and affordable options. The possibilities are endless!
• To help in relighting the fire with your significant other, go to bed early just to spend time together.
• Go to lunch with your girlfriends. This by far is one of my favorite things to do! Time with my bestie is always refreshing and full of laughter. Share this Beginner’s Guide to Empty Nesting with them also because they may be having the same struggles as you are.
• Talk on the phone without having to lock yourself in the bathroom. Try to get out of the habit of texting and actually have a social interaction. Facetime or skype for an even better time.
• Get a manicure, facial or massage – spoil yourself!

Common Questions Answered by the Beginner’s Guide to Empty Nesting

How do I cook smaller meals?

• This to me was a hard transition as I have always had an overabundance of food. I have found when you grocery shop, start buying smaller portion sizes. Instead of buying bulk pork chops, I now only purchase 2 in a pack. When I buy more, even if I have intentions on freezing the additional servings, I always end up cooking them all and thinking we will eat the leftovers – this is rarely successful for me.
• Another tip is to buy single serving portions. These may be a bit more expensive in the beginning but I am saving money in the long run. For instance, if I bought a big bag of chips, I usually end up throwing them away because they go stale. You can also look at it this way, your overall food bill has shrunk because you are not feeding the kids and all of their friends!

How soon after the kids move out can we convert their rooms?

• There is no time limit on this. The biggest hurdle you will have to jump is telling your child. Even though they are grown and have made a decision to move out, they still consider it their territory. They could revert to a 2 year old’s temper tantrum. Stand your ground with a loving explanation that you are transforming their room but if they ever needed to move back home, you would welcome them with open arms. Now truth being, I would 100% take any of our kids back into our home but I pray I never have to! We have converted one bedroom into my craft room/office, another into my husband’s office and the third bedroom is a guest room and they are all exactly as I wanted them to be.

What if your children are not ready to move out but you think they should?

• This is not something that I can advise on because mine all left willingly. I would recommend that you watch the movie, Failure to Launch. It could give you some ideas or at the very least, it will provide you with many laughs.

How do I reinvent myself?

• My best advice would be to follow your heart. 5 years ago was my first attempt at reinvention – I became an RN. I did not follow my heart but instead I made a decision based on an intellectual response. It was not the best thing for me to do – it was not me. Now I am navigating myself through another reinvention and hoping you will come along with me. Perhaps you have already tried something too and are still searching. Reflect and brainstorm and the answer will become clear. You will find yourself, it just may take some time.

What if I don’t agree with my child’s decision to move out?

• I think this is one of the hardest parts of being a parent. I have always made it clear to my children that their dad and I do have opinions on what they are doing in life. We will always give them our 2 cents but it is up to them to use the information or discard it. Either way, we respect what they decide to do even if we don’t agree with it. We have to believe that we have done a good job raising them. They are going to make their own mistakes, some we may be able to help them with but others may not be fixable. The most important thing is to just still be their parents even if they don’t live in our homes. Love them unconditionally.
• If the kids are still struggling with this, let them read this Beginner’s Guide to Empty Nesting and maybe they will understand a bit better.

What do I do with the stuff they left behind?

• There are many things to consider before packing up their junk and sending it to their new location. If your child has just moved in to a new apartment there might not be room for their accumulation of memorabilia. If they have moved in to a new home or a place with a basement or lots of closets then wrap those goodies up with a big red bow and say good riddance!

The Last Thing You Need to Know About Becoming an Empty Nester

• This is not the end but just the beginning of a wonderful life that is still ahead of you! Raising my children was the most important thing I have ever done and I will carry those memories with me forever but empty nesting has become the favorite season of my life so far. I do not have the heavy worries that come with the responsibility of making sure that everything is right in my children’s lives. Now I can actually enjoy them and help guide them in adulthood and parenthood. They have become my best friends and I look forward to spending quality time with them and my grandchildren. I also cherish the time that I can spend with my husband, Tom. We are doing things in our lives that we could not do years ago. We are such a close family and every step we have taken in our past has led us to this beautiful point in our lives. Empty nesting is a blessing and this Beginner’s Guide to Empty Nesting will prove that to you!
• Please comment below and share how empty nesting is affecting you and leave tips to help others that are just joining us at this stage in our lives.

Here are some additional ideas to help with adjusting while empty nesting. Since this is such a big event in our lives, I welcome you to share your tips so that others can benefit from your experiences; please comment below!